my dad had surgery today so he is kind of high off his pain meds and he keeps telling me “get me a ham sandwich” and i’m like “no dad we don’t eat ham.. we’re jews’ he goes “ham… ham sandwich please” “dad no no, no ham..”
now he’s just reading from the dessert menu and my mom is telling him “your doctor said no sugar or anything too heavy…” and he’s going “this is so unfair! this is so unfair to me!”
self positivity is f*cking great!!! u think ur cool??? then ur cool!!! u think ur cute??? then ur hella cute!!! look at you go. so amazing
Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?
Turn ons: common sense
why test on animals when there r people who r rude to waiters
Old men who hit on girls who just got out of their teenage years are some of the creepiest dudes on the planet, let me tell you that